Money and Emotions: Finding peace of mind

When it comes to money, people get crazy.

I say this due to the fact that we live in a society that covets money above all else. Don’t believe me?

Wars are started over money

People are killed over money

Businesses lay off hundreds of people - real human beings - in order to increase shareholder value.

Divorce is over money - This is the #2 reason for divorce after infidelity. 

I could go on, but you get the point. We live in a capitalist system that is unbending when it comes to the rules of exchange. You must offer value in return for value. Nobody gets a free ride. Our very survival depends on money. We need money to eat, for shelter and for comfort. Without it, we are left to the charitable graces others. So our instincts are activated when we don’t have enough money. It represents our life. We intuitively feel that our lives are threatened by lack of money. 

It is a measure of “how we are doing” more than anything. If we have money we are doing OK. We associate money with safety. We associate money with happiness (although this has been disproven).

So no wonder that, when it comes to discussions about money, it stirs up uncomfortable emotions for many people. We often tend to keep our heads buried in the sand and pretend that it's all good, or mostly try to forget about the precariousness of our financial situation by ignoring it. If we don’t worry about it all the time then its good right?

I understand this tendency. But it is not healthy.

Sleepwalking through life

If we are gainfully employed we tend to spend all that we earn plus a little bit more. We pretend that we are wealthier than we actually are in order to convince ourselves that we are doing OK. We want to create that bubble of safely that we believe money brings us, without it actually being there. We tend to hope that everything will work out. We used to believe that as long as we don’t go bankrupt, our pension or the government will take care of us.

I know many people who “Hate talking about money” or when they do, get visibly upset. They suddenly feel helpless or worried. So they avoid talking about it and continue to live as if it will just be OK if they ignore it.  

Wake Up Call

We need to stop kidding ourselves and look at reality. The enemy you know is better than the enemy you don’t know. Of course it is difficult to walk away from a frank discussion about our finances without feeling pretty helpless unless we have a plan. A plan makes money discussions a positive experience. A plan is a way to ACTUALLY feel safe and optimistic, without fooling ourselves by “keeping up with the joneses”. 

Having a plan always starts with an honest assessment of your situation. How much is coming in every month, how much is going out. I know, I know, budgeting SUCKS. I get it. But you have to be impartial and objective about this - You are creating an imaginary world that says

 “My stuff is my life” or 

“My life is about the things I spend money on” 

“I’ll die without my half-caff half soy extra hot caramel macchiato every morning”.

I am not telling you what you should spend your money on, I am merely asking you to pay attention to your actual spending decisions. Track your spending for a month down to the penny and categorise  your expenses. You are never going to get ahead and follow a plan if you don’t know where your money is going.

Need vs. Want (Or Perception vs. Reality) 

Once you have a clear picture you are now in a position to make some choices. What do I really need vs. what am I imagining that I need? If you are saying that you NEED to live in a place that takes 70% of your paycheck for rent, I wonder if you have really thought this through.  Find a cheaper place to live. Realize it is only temporary until you have the plan in motion. You can use your creativity to come up with better solutions if you really let go of your imaginary “needs”. Your life is not your situation, it is your family and friends and your shared experiences. Where you live or what you drive are not important. 

The point is, I believe nothing makes you feel safer and more self reliant than knowing you are in control of your life. Being in control of your money is synonymous with that. Knowing that you are spending less than you earn every month feels TERRIFIC. It restores that feeling of safety and security. It makes you feel in control and powerful. It allows you the freedom to implement a plan to get ahead. Reducing your money issues to simple MATH takes the emotion away from it. We get so attached to our ‘things” that we start to think we are losing a piece of ourselves when we reduce the overhead in our lives.

Part of the the problem is people tend to lean towards short-term thinking instead of long-term thinking. They want everything RIGHT NOW. So many things are instant these days it fools us into believing that everything should be instant. We get food instantly, we get entertainment instantly, we get information instantly. These things are quick, dopamine releasing things that are really of very little value. They offer a quick reprieve from our troubles, but offer no lasting solutions. 

Things that truly change our lives and provide a lasting emotional foundation take a long time to create. They require planning, forethought, and repeated efforts over time to attain. They are not quick and easy, but are worthwhile. So if you need to sacrifice a few “emotionally comforting” things in your life to make your financial math work, then do it. This is part of building true long term happiness.

Money management is about creating a system that you can rely upon to take care of you and your loved ones. As much as we would like to live in a world where money isn’t important, we are not there yet. So make it important. By removing all of our emotional attachments to money, it will actually free us to make better decisions about how and where we spend and earn. 

Once you design your life in a way that ensures you spend less than you earn on a consistent basis, then you are ready. You are ready for the plan. 

My books offers you a plan. All you need is to be able to spend less than you earn and you will be able to accelerate you financial future faster than you ever imagined. It doesn’t matter where you are starting from, all that matters is where you are going. You may need to sacrifice a few things now in order to get the MATH of your life straightened out, but it is only temporary. Nothing stays static on this earth. You are either growing or dying. There is no staying the same. 

There is hope. There is security. There is a sustainable happiness that comes from getting your finances in order. Stop pretending you are well off and actually become so. You can grow, and so can your money.

This is true happiness.